Search This Blog

November 15, 2011

One Year (and a few days)

I have reached my one year mark of treatment and a diagnosis: November 9, 2011.  This past year has been one I never could have fathomed.  I have received more support from my family than I knew existed, I've been on over 70 different medications, become more in-tune with my body that I ever wanted to be and all to say I still have a long road ahead of me.  Originally, I was told August 2012 as a "done with treatment date", which is perfect because it would be in time for my sisters wedding.  But then, my body didn't totally  cooperate because we weren't able to identify all the bugs that were attacking my system.
Photo courtesy of www.harmonyhilderbrand.com


The war wages on, and I am trying so hard to be positive.  The truth is I feel a little beat up mostly because I don't see that I am moving forward, instead I feel like I am in a plateau.  I'm struggling with my friendships and I am having a difficult time knowing that this is the plan God has for my life. In Jeremiah 29:11 God promises, "11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  but a little voice inside of me keeps saying 'what good can come out of this'?


I have struggled with depression for a long time and I find comfort in knowing it is common for people with Lyme disease to also have this diagnosis.  I really think these thoughts are from Satan who is trying to weigh me down.  


I see my specialist this Friday and I am hoping to have a lot of questions answered.  I hope to walk out of there optimistic and with a plan.  


Above all, I guess I am just asking for prayer.  This road is a hard one, but it does not define me.  It cannot define me.  I'm just struggling to know who I am right now.  To my friends, I am sorry to drag you with me or neglect you.  Please know that it is not you but an internal struggle I am having.  I wish I could ignore it or make it go away, but the war wages on.


I started this blog to show you a piece of my life, and I think this entry is the most raw and confused one I've written.  But to you my followers, this is a twist of lyme.

2 comments:

  1. Elizabeth,

    Thanks so much for sharing your heart and for being so brave and honest about your journey.

    You're traveling a rough road...and anyone who's on it understands the struggle you are facing with yourself and your friendships.

    Hope your appointment goes well on Friday and that you get some renewed hope. In the meantime, remember, you are not alone. I'll be praying for you. And I sure others in your life and in the community will be praying for you.

    Take comfort in that. If you need an ear, just say the word.

    XOXO

    Kathy

    ReplyDelete
  2. My dear Elizabeth,
    Since I go through the same exact things that you are enduring, mine since 1998. I feel like I want to hug and kiss your face, & I want to let you know a couple of things ...
    It makes me sad that you are apologizing to your friends;however, I do understand because I did the same thing. But what I have learned is your true friends will understand EVERYTHING (Good & bad days) they will be there for you with or without the demons we face on a daily basis. I had to find out who my real friends were very slowly over the years, the ones who stuck around through the good & the bad times should be so proud to say that they are your friends!! They are the ones who never turned their backs on you no matter what EVER!! No matter what state of mind, when you are in pain, when you are suffering mentally & physically & even the those thoughts of giving up that we go through ..
    I love you with all my heart and I have known your since before you started your treatment. From what I know about you in this past year is YOU are an extremely brave woman, you are sweet & kind hearted & care so much about everyone & everything. You are a beautiful woman inside & out. I will be here for you whenever you need me no matter what it is.

    I Love you little Love Muffin!!!!

    Dana - Your Lyme + so many more diseased, broken
    friend ... :) Love you Love you Love YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete