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September 27, 2012

Battle Scars and Motivation

Don't worry, that is betadine...and I'm
 not naked! Lol!
It's been a while since I had all my picclines removed, but I still have scars on the underside of my arms.  I feel like each of my scars are battle wound that show how strong I am.  To date, I have had seven picclines and one power port. I did 13 months with seven picclines, then my powerport since February. This disease has left me with a lot of physical scars and emotional scars, but above all it has shown me how strong I am.  The scars on the insides of my arms are healing really well and are really only noticeable if you are looking for them. I had a hard time taking a good picture of the piccline scars...which is a good problem to have!  The first picture you see, is a picture of my port when it was de-accessed and cleaned earlier today by my nurse (the stuff on my chest is a betadine, not blood...I know you were thinking it, Brandon! lol). Then the second picture of me is when I showered and put on make-up for the first time since my sisters wedding (6 weeks or so).  I assure you I've showered, but haven't done anything about dressing nice or putting on make-up since then. I enjoyed a nice outing to the world famous JT Basque restaurant in Gardnerville, NV.  I ate really well and successfully wore myself out in just a couple of hours.

Me heading to the JT.
Then the next day I attended a baby shower for baby Walker. Here is me holding him soaking in all the baby loves I can.  I look at this picture and it gives me motivation to get better and lose my port (right by Walker's head) so I can have my own bundle(s) of joy! I'm not sure if that is a year away or three years, but hopefully my time will come soon! I love babies and can't wait to have my own!

Lately I've been comparing myself to a lot of my friends who are completed with college, buying houses, working in their career, having babies.....and I am learning a very different lesson and my timeline is very different then my friends and family. I hope one day I will be able to look back on this time and understand it better.

Here is me holding three week old Walker.

In other news, I've been thinking a lot more about getting a tattoo.  I love dark tattoos on people with darker skin and I love white tattoos on people with white skin.  I love this shoulder piece because it is so subtle and can easily be covered up for work.  All growing up my mom has been a "doodler", which doesn't really explain how cool her art style is.  I will incorporate my power-port scar to be incorporated into this tattoo. I think I will also add in scripture and other little things into the feminine tattoo. I'm hoping my mom with help me design it in the future. I've been thinking about this for a long time and know I will get it as one of my celebrations when I am done with treatment.  I have so many things to look forward to!

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